The End

M³ mentioned that I didn’t write a finale, and that’s true, I reckon.

So we put in 5 straight 500+ mile days and made it home. Hurray. The distance always seems much farther when you’re headed home and wanting to put an end to it.

Anyway, it was a good trip — nobody crashed and nobody died. I learned some stuff and am now madly engaged in writing a journal article for “American Communist History.” Thrilling, huh?

I might add a few photos later, or not. I’m just happy to be home.

Thanks to M³ for setting this blog up, to AA for putting up with my strange road trips, and to Bingo Billy for sharing them.

If you want to talk politics or beer, I can always be reached at MutantPop@aol.com

Thanks for reading.

timbo

Boring, boring, boring, boring…

Timmo made me wake up and talk to you.

Yesterday was boring, boring, boring, boring…

No cool things to see. No fun things to do. Not even any good grass to poop in. I had to poop in front of a McDonalds, which is just about as lame a thing as a dog can do.

There was one thing that was different. When we were going though the big, tall snow mountains, there was a black boomcloud down next to the road. Timmo had to drive through it and all the sudden it started making 100 million big angry drops, with ice inside of them. It sounded like I was stuck inside a dog-sized mailbox that 15 bad boys were throwing pebbles and rocks at.

I wasn’t scared though, because Timmo wasn’t scared. He just drove and drove and in about 10 minutes we left the boomcloud behind.

Then it got pretty warm in the truck. Not hot hot, like yesterday, but just warm enough that it was really hard to sleep. I tried to look around, but there was nothing good to see — no animals, no people, nothing.

Timmo is going to make me go in the truck again. I don’t want to. I would rather sleep in the nice, cool real house that we are in now.

Smell ya later, I’m going to get back to my dream about biting the crazy fox right in that fuzzy fluff tail…

— BB, Motel 6, Twin Falls, 7:52 am.

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Timbo: Hitting the wall…

Marathon runners talk about coming to a point late in that overlong race in which their brain and body just about shuts down from exhaustion and only muscle memory and the force of will gets them over the hump into the end stages of the race. That’s the way I felt yesterday evening — like I had “hit the wall.”

Four straight 11 hour driving days will do that to you, especially when you’re stuck in a warm truck in one of the ugliest places in America, Southern Idaho. You just want to park next to the side of the road and take a three day nap, and the only thing that keeps you going is the knowledge that if you do that, you’ll STILL be stuck in a warm truck in one of the ugliest places in America.

So I labored on, fueled by incessant replayings of Cheap Trick and The Knack (power pop is the only thing that sounds good to me at the moment). I finally made my target city, Twin Falls, Idaho, grabbed a room in the Motel 6 and Bing and I melted down.

He’s still exhausted this morning, sleeping on his blanket on the floor and trying to ignore the fact that I’m awake again. I feel better now, with the home stretch in front of me — a road I’ve driven many, many times — and the certain knowledge that, barring catastrophe, tonight I will be home in my own bed.

— Timbo, Motel 6, Twin Falls, ID, 7/1/10, 7:40 am.

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Timbo: Some random thoughts…

Things are getting close to the end now. I’ve been pushing hard to make it back late Thursday, Bing and I have rolled something like 1600 miles in 3 days, which is pushing it to the limits with the camping-with-a-dog thang. A few random observations about the trip…

1. Camping is really fun on the nights of Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday smacks of weekend stupidity, Friday is flat out intolerable (if you can find a place at all), and Saturday just as bad. Too many people doing the same thing at once on weekends, which boosts the probability of idiots to nearly 100%.

2. Who was the first retard that thought amplified music and camping went together? No matter, it’s well-established weekend idiot behavior by now. Invariably bad buttrock or new country. The same people always have huge campfires and usually have boats. It’s a PARTY, y’know… Now I like loud music and beer more than the next guy, but that’s NOTHING that any reasonable, thoughtful person would do in the middle of the nature with 100 or more other people around within earshot. Idiots aren’t reasonable and thoughtful though, that’s the bottom line. I absolutely will not camp on weekends again.

3. Best purchase: new Reliance 7 gallon water carrier with a built in spigot. I wasn’t sure about this thing, it looked top-heavy and I already had an older 6 gallon carrier with a spout. Night and day difference. You flip it on its side and you have running tap water. Awesome.

4. Worst purchase: 15 pound economy sack of Kingsford charcoal briquets. I’ve been cussing that huge sack of carbon the entire trip — it’s probably 4 times what I need and space is at a premium traveling with a dog in a small truck. I very nearly abandoned the thing more than once, but finally started barbequeing a little, which reduced the size a little and made it borderline tolerable. But that was a big, big mistake.

5. Did you ever notice that you can’t just buy a 6-pack of soda anymore? Everything is in the half-case now. See space concerns above. Last night was even worse, I went to Wally-World, because it was close, and everything was full case. I wound up buying a half case of beer instead.

6. Bingo has proven to be a pretty good traveling dog. He doesn’t fuss much, likes to sleep, and picks his spots for being rowdy. The one thing I wish I could do is leave him in a motel room or tent without him barking, so I could step out to do this or that. That doesn’t fly with him, but if I put him in the cab of the truck so he knows he’s not being left, no problems.

7. I really hate Eastern Montana. The thing that pretty much has put an end to these excursions is Eastern Montana… I’ve been across it like 7 times now, and that’s about 5 times too many… It’s gargantuan and it’s very boring. Fortunately, I’ve seen most of the archives I need to see now and don’t need to drive this way again… A couple days at University of Washington, one more visit to the Hoover Institution in Palo Alto, and 3 weeks minimum at Tamiment Library of New York University and I should be good. That’s getting close now. I’ll wipe the first two off the list this summer and will worry about NYU next year. I ain’t driving…

8. I really enjoy the discipline of camping. There is a certain pace to everything — getting the tent set up and bedding laid first, the dog fed and food started, walking and looking around. Sleeping in a tent on those nights like this week when everything is just right… Eating and doing dishes in the morning, pulling everything down and packing away, everything in its place. I lose crap every year, sure, it happens — but it’s a sort of order and procedure that I really like for some reason… Probably something to do with having been in boy scouts…

9. When the mission is “over” in my head, it’s a matter of trying to get to the finish line fast. I don’t give a damn if I camp again or not at this point — I just want to get home fast without killing the dog.

— Timbo, Super 8 Motel, Havre, MT, 6/30/10, 7:47 am.

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Cool, hot, and funny…

My day was cool, hot, and funny, but not at the same time…

In the morning as we were driving out of our cool big lake camp in North Dakota, Timmo saw something running around in one of the picnic areas next to the road out of the park. I was furry and red and running around in circles playing or chasing something.

“Look, Bing, look! It’s a crazy fox!!!”

Timmo didn't get out his camera to take a picture, but this is what crazy foxes look like!

Timmo pulled the truck right next to the place where the fox was so we could see it. It was only one living room away and was racing all over the place. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a crazy fox, but they’re not quite a dog and not quite a cat and they have a humongous furry tail that would be really good to bite bite bite!

I couldn’t believe my eyes. The only crazy fox I had ever seen before was Snorkel Bob’s puppet fox, and that wasn’t half as cool as this one.

I poked my head through the hole into the cab and barked, “HEY YOU STUPID CRAZY FOX, GET OUT OF HERE!!!”

The crazy fox looked up at me in the truck and ran away into the bushes!

I am tougher than a crazy fox!

That was the cool part. The hot part was ME!!! Timmo says it was almost 95 degrees today. That’s too hot for a dog. Want to know what it feels like? Put on your heaviest winter coat and run around the outside of your house 10 times!

Timmo saw right away that I was having trouble staying cool, so he pulled the truck right over and put his clothes in the back and me in the front of the truck, where the truck air cooler machine made it cool. Whew! It’s not as comfortable there for sleeping, but at least I didn’t sweat my mouth to death…

The funny part was when we stopped on a pee walk this afternoon. Timmo got gas for the truck and then saw a little city park with a place for dogs. I was walking around, smelling the good smells, and then all the sudden, Timmo started jumping around hitting himself like he had fleas… There were a HUGE SWARM of mosquitos chasing him. He had one mosquito for every hair on his legs and they were all biting him at the same time! He was whacking his arms, too, and he had blood all over his hands. Hop hop run hop hop swat swat!!! It was pretty funny!!!

Timmo made it to the back of the truck, hopping and swatting and saying very unnice things the whole time, and he got out some bug spray and sprayed it all over his legs and arms and neck and ears and face. He gave me a couple squirts, too, but I’m covered with fur and the mosquitos weren’t bothering me much… They wanted Timmo for dinner!

When he got finished hopping around, a city park guy drove over in his truck.

“Like our mosquitos?” he asked, with a sense of pride, as if he had raised them from eggs himself.

He said he he just moved to Montana from the state of Arizona and they were still biting him. He said they were even worse the next town down the road.

Timmo said, “Holy shit! I’ve been back and forth across the country five times and this trip there were almost no mosquitos anywhere in the places you’d expect them — like North Dakota and Minnesota and Wisconsin. But here in Eastern Montana, of all places, they were as thick and as mean as I’ve ever seen.”

The park guy smiled and laughed. He thought hopping, swatting, cussing Timmo was funny, too!

We got in the truck and drove away.

Timmo said there is no way in hell he is going to camp in a flat campground in a thunderstorm in 90 degree heat. It is going crazy out there now. He was smart about that! We are safe and sound in a real house. Go get somebody else, tornado storm!

— BB, Super 8 Motel, Havre, MT, 6/29/10, 7:13 pm.

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One I could have caught…

Yesterday was another long day in the back of the truck. I had good naps, but it’s pretty boring. We went over two bridges, a big, long one from the state of Wisconsin to the state of Minnesota, and a small one from the state of Minnesota to the state of North Dakota.

Timmo likes North Dakota and so do I. There is lots of green grass and good places to poop.

Yesterday, right before we went over the bridge into Minnesota, Timmo stopped the truck for a pee walk. He saw a pretty deserted road with lots of green grass grown up tall on the sides, so we walked around the corner down that road…

All the sudden, Timmo said, really quiet and excited like, “Oh, Bing, look!”

I started looking in the grass next to me, but Timmo meant to look farther down the road.

WOW! Six living rooms away there was a forest monster like we have around out house in Oregon. It was the middle of the daytime and she didn’t run away, either!

I got my backhair up and Timmo and I walked closer and closer…

Five living rooms away… The monster didn’t move.

Four living rooms away… Still the monster didn’t move.

Three living rooms away… Close enough to smell her, almost. The monster slowly turned around and walked a few steps on three legs. She couldn’t move one leg!

“TIMMO, TIMMO, TIMMO, LET ME OFF THE LEASH!!! I CAN CATCH THIS ONE!!! I’LL KNOCK THE MONSTER OVER AND THEN BITE BITE BITE WITH MY BITING TEETH!!!”

But Timmo wouldn’t let me get the monster.

“She has a broken leg, Bing. She’s having a bad life. We’ll just leave her alone…”

Can you believe that. I COULD HAVE CAUGHT THAT MONSTER AND TIMMO WOULDN’T LET ME!!! I would have had meat, meat, meat, meat!!!!

Later Timmo fed me jerky for lunch, so I guess it’s okay anyways…

At nighttime we stayed next to a big, big lake. Timmo says it’s too big for dogs. After dinner he put my blanket on the ground and we had a Royal Rumble. I tugged really hard and jumped high in the air and caught the rope. Afterwards, Timmo choked me and spanked me, but just pretend, and I bit his hand and made him yell, but not too hard.

We were all alone in the corner of the campground and listened to the waves all night, just like at the beach. Timmo didn’t have to put the lid on the big bubble room house and we got to listen to the breeze in the tree leafs, too. It was great.

This morning, we went for a long walk and I pooped and peed a lot.

Now we have to drive again. Timmo says if we drive, drive, drive, we can get home one day sooner than if we go slow. So I guess it’s worth it.

That’s all for now, smell ya later!

— BB, Graham Island State Park, near Devils Lake, ND, 6/29/10, 8:19 am.

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Super boring and super fun…

Today was super boring and super fun, both in one day.

Timmo knew there were lots of boom clouds around and he said we had to drive, drive, drive, drive to get away from them. We went straight up the middle of Michigan from the bottom to the top. On the way, near the town of Lansing, there was a huge black boomcloud down low, right next to the road. It made it dark as night. Timmo said that this was a wall cloud, the type of cloud that makes tornados, ‘cept I didn’t have to be scared because tornados happen late in the day because they’re powered by heat and it was still really early in the morning. Still, it was really creepy and I was glad when we drove away.

We drove and drove. Timmo says we went 550 miles today, which is too many for a dog! He says today was a 25 hour day which is why we got so far.

We went over a big long bridge from the tip top of Michigan across the big water all the way to the U.P. — and I even got to pee there! In fact, we’re in the U.P. now and I just pooped, so I guess for me it’s the U.P. and Poop.

Anyway, it seemed to get clear but then all the sudden there was another HUGE pile of rainclouds. It rained and rained for half an hour like a hundred car wash waterfall garden hoses with big angry drops. It was very very wet and Timmo could hardly see! Once we were at the bottom of a hill in a “must go slow” and there were huge puddles of water and we had to drive through them. SPLOOSH! SPLOOSH!!!

Then finally the rain clouds went away. Timmo went into a store to buy meat (more hotdogs for me, hurray!!!) and we went for a long walk. Timmo gave me cookies and he ate an ice cream cone.

Then we drove some more and Timmo saw a place to turn where we could put up the big bubble room house. And guess what?!?! I have my very own LAKE right next to it!!! My lake is SOOOOO cool. It’s really big! When Timmo gets his camera fixed he can put up a picture.

My lake was really cool.

Timmo let me go swimming and threw the stick for me. He took me off the leash and I ran up and down the hill again and again, stomping my feet really hard like a horse! I tried to get in a fight with him so that I could bite him really hard, but he wouldn’t play with me because I was too wet. So I broke a big stick into little pieces instead.

I wish I had my own lake at home. That would be really fun.

It was a long day of riding, but it turned out to be super worth it in the end.

— BB, U.S. Forest Service campground, 60 miles east of Ironwood, Michigan, 6/27/10, 8:28 pm.

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